Be Fearless
by IvoryDrum
Summary: As Raph's birthday draws ever closer, a desperate Mikey comes up with the perfect plan. After all, every Leader has to have a fear. On Haitus until college applications are no longer upon me.
1. Chapter 1

I, Megan, being of sound body and of (sometimes) even sounder mind, do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They belong to the great Eastman and Laird, one of whom I hope to marry, so that I may own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as well. However, until then, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles **are not mine! **Just to be safe, I also don't own graham crackers. The company, I mean, I actually have a box in my pantry right now...

I would just like to inform you that the log is indeed meant to be serious. As you read on, you will discover why (hopefully). If you don't discover why, ask, and you shall be informed. Please enjoy!

* * *

Be Fearless

Mission Log, Day One: My mission is clear. Find him, scare him, and get out. The risk? Many flips in the dojo. The worth? Best blackmail material ever! The reason, you ask me? I shall tell you. It has always bothered Raphael that Leonardo didn't have a fear. I can't blame the guy. I mean, we have been following Leonardo into battle nearly ever other day for a couple of years now! What if his unspoken fear screws us over one day? Therefore, a mere week before Raphael's eighteenth birthday, I have come up with the perfect gift. I am going to expose Leonardo for what he really is! A little scaredy baby turtle, hiding behind his fabulous muscles. All I require is some rope, a plastic snake, a balloon, and a needle, preferably sharp. For you see, I, the great General Hamato Michaelangelo, have come up with the perfect plan! First, I will-

Mikey stopped, was that knocking he had just heard on his door? No, no, it was more like a banging. That could only mean one thing...

"Mikey?" called Raph. "What are ya doin' in there? I can hear yer maniacal laughin' from the dojo fer cryin' out loud! Did you ferget ta take yer medicine again?"

Mikey froze in his seat and glanced around his room wildly.

"Raph!" he exclaimed. "Don't! Don't come in! I'm okay just, um, reading!"

"Readin'?" Raph replied. "If you're reading then I'm Bloody Mary."

Mikey left his logbook and cracked open the door.

"Ya know Raph," he stated coyly. "In this light…you can really see a resemblance between you and the old-"

"Stop while you still have a mouth to speak from, Mikey. Now you tell me what yer doin' in there before I have to invade you privacy!"

"Raph wait! Don't you have meditation to be doin' with Splinter? You and your temper. Surely you should go an' take care of that."

"Already did that today, Mike. You got till the coun' a three! One…"

"Well, okay. Um, you see, um. I was just…thinking!"

Raph paused. "Thinking?"

"Naturally."

"…You?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

As tempted as he was to tell his brother exactly why, Raph knew that telling Mikey why would involve a big explanation. A big explanation that would need big words that would need to be explained to the younger turtle. So, he decided to keep the ball rolling as best possible. Or at least, rolling the best at possible in his own favor.

"…And you were laughin' so hard cause ya hurt yerself in the process?"

"Yes. Wait, no! For your information," Mikey answered huffily "I was thinking about patrol last night. Those purple dragons are real good for a laugh when they're in pain, eh?"

"First of all Mike, you said that way to fast to be true. And two, Leo an' Don patrolled las' night, not us. You got two seconds before I break yer door."

"Raph, no! You can't come in because I'm naked! Have you no since of decency?

"Naked! We're always naked! Have you just know noticed that breeze between the knees? I'm warnin' you Mikey, open this friggin' door!"

"…how many seconds did you say I had left?"

"By now?"

"Yeah."

Raphael smirked as he backed away from the door. "None." he replied. With that, he began to charge.

'_Think fast, think fast!' _Mikey thought. If Raph charged in now, he would ruin his birthday present. Michaelangelo knew that he couldn't allow that to happen. Leo's birthday had been just two weeks before, and he hadn't saved enough money to buy Raph a respectable eighteenth birthday gift.. Either he went with the plan, or Raph was gonna have to live with macaroni art for his big 1-8.

"Raph wait!" Mikey screamed for a second time. "If you break that door, Donnie will have to fix it! And you've already broken the toaster today, so if you break something else, Don'll kill you dead!"

Raph skidded to a stop a mere inch before his brother's door. As annoying as Mikey was being at the moment, it was no comparison to an angry Donatello. According to Leo, the combination of a kick, a Sai, and "borrowed" spoonful of Don's own oatmeal had totaled the toaster. Even Raph knew that a totaled toaster equaled a trip to the junkyard. Normally, the trip would calm Don down because he was able to sort out his thoughts in peace. But not this trip. This trip Leo had gone as well due to increased Foot activity. Raph could practically feel his brainy bro's anger rising with each passing second.

Inside of his room, Mikey stood stock-still. Raph had been quiet for a while now, which wasn't always a good thing. Mikey began to panic as the silence continued.

'_What if my last minute cop-out wasn't enough?' _He thought.

"Hey Mikey." Raph called through the door.

Michaelangelo swallowed a whimper. "Yeah Raph?"

"You don't tell Don I almos' broke yer door, an' I won't tell nobody 'bout yer laughin'. Got it?"

Mikey let out a sigh a relief. "Oh yeah Raph, I got it."

As the red-banded turtle began to walk away, Michaelangelo began to giggle.

"Oh Raph," Mikey said to himself as he gasped for air. "I'm the one that broke the toaster, not you!" After several more minutes of rolling around on the floor, Mikey composed himself. It was past time for him to be serious.

"Well Sergeant Crackers." he said to his stuffed parrot, Graham. "What is Phase One of the operation?"

"General Hamato, sir!" Michaelangelo, excuse me, Captain Crackers replied. "Phase One of the operation is, sir, place plastic snake in several different and carefully selected positions, sir! Positions include but are not limited to, toilet, sink, refrigerator, cabinet, bed, under meditation mat, couch, book ca-"

"Okay, okay! Optional positions are understood Sergeant Crackers! Tell me, Sergeant!" Michaelangelo stated in true to form General fashion. "What location boasts maximum fear potential?"

"Maximum fear potential for first attempt is the bathroom, sir! The toilet, sir!"

"And why the toilet, Sergeant?"

"It is a fact, sir, that the target sir, also known as Leonardo, sir, regulates his bowels, sir!"

"He would." Mikey muttered.

Sergeant Crackers continued. "The target is due for a bathroom break as soon as he arrives home form the junkyard, General."

"Most excellent observation, Sergeant Crackers. Now, commence operation Scare-the-Poop-Out!" With that being said, Michaelangelo began to laugh like a mad man once more.

Downstairs, two poor souls in the T.V. room shared a worried glance with each other. Both Raphael and Splinter had heard bits of the "conversation", and they knew that Leonardo had a **_long_** week ahead of him.

* * *

This was only the beggining...muahahahaha! Not to be a bother or anything, but I would really like you to review. **_Really. _**But if you can't,it's okay. I'll just quess how you felt about it.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone, I would just like to once again thank everyone that reviewed! Also, Splinter and Leo are going to be out of character in this chapter. Don will be a little OOC as well. Just a warning to you.

_Italics are thinking._

I do not own the TMNT. I own Sergeant Crackers, though! Oh, and this is important, he's a hand puppet.

* * *

Be Fearless: Chapter 2

Meanwhile, at the junkyard…

"Argh!" Donnie yelled as he hurled another sheet of metal behind him. Today had not been his day.

(Flashback)

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP!

"Nooo. Stupid alarm clock…" mumbled Don. He hadn't set it for five a.m. "Leo." he gasped. Didn't Leo know that he had just gone to bed two hours ago?

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP!

"So help me, alarm clock, I will smash you to bits if you make one more sound."

BEEP…**BEEP**…BEep…

"What now little alarm clock! What now! Out of batteries? Oh, poor baby, not!"

(End Flashback)

Leo jumped as another piece of metal came flying towards his plastron. He just couldn't imagine what had made Don so angry. To him, 5 o'clock in the morning was such a lovely time of day! The birds are chirping, the coffee is percolating. Hold on a second…coffee hadn't been percolating this morning…

"Hey Don?"

"Leo, leave me alone. You're the reason that I'm so sore right now."

"Don, I know that you're angry with me for setting your alarm this morning, but that is no reason to throw metal at me!"

"I'm not talking about sore as in angry, Leo. I'm talking about sore as in falling out of the top bunk."

"…why'd you fall of the top bunk?"

"Because my alarm clock died, and I was so tired, and so pissed off, that everything made me laugh. So in the process of laughing, I rolled off the bed. And then, I go to the kitchen, and all I want is some coffee. But no. I don't find coffee at the table"

"You don't?" Leo replied. '_Man, he just goes on and on! What time is it? 10 o'clock? If I don't' take a poo in half and hour, I won't be regular!'_

"No, I don't. I find Mikey putting toast in the toaster. And I'm thinking, 'Well, okay, it's just toast, and out of all of us Mikey knows what he's doing in the kitchen.' But then I looked closer and saw something on the toast."

"Let me guess, the crust?" Leo inserted.

"I just found a saw Leo. Do you want me to throw it at your face?"

"No!" Leo squeaked.

"Then let me finish the story!" Don snapped. "So anyway, Mike's got oatmeal on the toast, and-" Don's voice faded away in Leo's ears. Soon it became a distant buzz.

'_Oh no, only 15 minutes! It takes 20 to get to the lair! Think Leo, think! There's gotta be a toilet nearby!'_

"Which is why we are here. My schedule has been demolished because of Mikey and his stupid need for oatmeal flavored toast."

"Yeah, okay, sure, whatever, I totally understand! That's great, Don, really super!" Leo interrupted. He only had 13 minutes to find a toilet before it was too late. "You have all the parts you need right?"

"Um, I found a new toaster if that's what you mean. This one's so cool! It's got six slots, so we can all you the toaster at the same time."

"Cool, now since you're so angry, we're going to go run."

"Actually Leo, I'm not that angry anymore." Don mused. "I think I just needed to vent."

"No, you've got to run…fast. To April's. In five minutes."

"Leo, April's house is 10 minutes away on a good day!"

"5 minutes, go, go, go!" There was no way that he, Fearless Leader, was missing a "movement" for a toaster.

* * *

"He did what! Oh, no way! What a jerk! Oh yeah I totally understand where you're coming from. But I think you should have thrown if at his chest, not his head. That he can hid the mark. Oh, you thought of that? On the head forces him to cover it with makeup, is that what you said? Isn't that just a tad dishonorable? You don't care! Wow. Then it must have been worse then I thought."

"April, April!" Leo said from outside the window.

"Oh! Sara, I have to go! Um, it's an emergency! What? Oh um, it's that time of the month. Cramps. Okay Sara."

"**April!"**

"I've gotta go, bye!" April slammed the phone onto the cradle and glared at the blue-banded turtle on the window sill. "Someone had better be hurt, I was having a conversation!"

Outside, Leo turned to look up at Don on the roof above him. He was expecting some sympathy after having to deal with the angry April, but was instead receiving a glare that rivaled Raphael's. For not only was Don exhausted for the super fast run, but all of his anger was creeping back. Leo turned to face April to escape it.

"April please, Don's hurt." Leo stated. Suddenly, he felt a smart whack on his booty.

"Leo," Don hissed. "I am not hurt."

"Maybe not physically, but mentally you're in anguish."

"Leo!"

"Guys? What's this about Don being hurt? Come in so I can take a look at him."

"Don, you're in anguish, or your computer has a run-in with my katana."

With wide eyes, Don bit his lower lip. "…should I cry?"

Leo paused to consider for a few moments. "No. Your computer will be fine if you whimper."

"Guys are you coming in or not?" asked April. She hadn't heard the conversation between Leo and his brother, but it was obvious to her that Don wasn't hurt. If he had been, Leo would have barged in whether he was invited or not. As the two turtles finally stepped through the window, she put a hand on Don's forearm. "Don, come talk to me. Leo, you can-Leo? Where did he go?"

"What time is it?"

"10:30, why?"

Don paused and battled with his shoulder guardians. On one hand, Leo **_had _**been exceptionally annoying this morning, and he did desperately want revenge. On the other hand, it was shockingly the same conclusion. Fortunately for April, Don wasn't the type of turtle that listened to the little pop up angel and devil, so the not-so-secret secret of the carefully planned bowels went untold.

Instead, Don replied, "Um, no reason."

April guided don to the couch and looked at him with puppy eyes that brought Michaelangelo's to their knees. "Don, you know you can tell me anything. Has someone hurt you?"

"Um…" Don managed to gasp out. '_Oh Leo, please hurry!'

* * *

_

"Sergeant Crackers, has he done the deed?" General Hamato asked. The target was due home at any minute, and yet the General still didn't have all the information he needed.

"Sir, yes, sir! Raphael has used the toilet!"

"And Master Splinter?"

"Well, sir, to be honest…Splinter just…doesn't seem to use the bathroom ever."

Mikey gawked at the parrot. "Sergeant Crackers!" he exclaimed. "Have you no shame? Splinter is old! Respect is necessary! Get down and give me fifty!"

"Um, General, may I remind you that me doing fifty push-ups is the same as you doing fifty push-ups?"

"Yes, you may. Thank you."

"Shall I position the snake now, General?"

"Yes." Mikey stated grimly. "And do it fast, I can hear Leo running towards the elevator."

As Sergeant Crackers left to position the snake, with the General consequently in tow, Mikey mumbled to himself. It was barely audible, but the Sergeant was able to make out, "…probably running from Don…"

As the doors to the elevator opened, two green blurs shot out and disappeared. Moments later, and after much screaming, the sound of a door slamming resonated throughout the lair.

"Yes!" Mikey exclaimed quietly. "Now all I have to do is wait outside the bathroom door, and barge in when he screams! Sergeant, hand me the video camera!"

"Yes sir. Sir, if I may point out that three doors slammed, not one. And Splinter is no longer on the couch."

"Sergeant, I am the ninja here, not you. Three doors slamming at the same time is like, insane."

"But, sir!"

"Insane, Sergeant! Do I make myself clear! I-N-S-A-um…-NE!"

Just as things were about to turn ugly, a shriek was heard from the bathroom. General Hamato raced towards the sound, and left the Sergeant far behind him. As he neared the door, Michaelangelo could make out "Get it away, get it away!" And, "It's on me, it's on me!" Funny thing about the voice though, it didn't sound like Leo at all. It sounded rather like-

"Master Splinter!" Mikey shouted as he burst through the door. "You-Leo, he, bathroom-you?"

"My son, get that, that **_thing_** out of here!"

"Sensei, it's plastic."

But Splinter wouldn't hear of it. His instincts were literally screaming at him, and he wasn't going to take these particular screams lightly. He couldn't get eaten now! Not when he had three sons to raise and a fourth to punish.

"It's gonna eat me! **It's gonna eat me!**"

Upon seeing how stressed his father was becoming, Mike threw the snake out of the bathroom with all of his might. Then he began the task of calming his clearly terrified Sensei. Of course, all of this was being caught on tape.

"Sensei, it was plastic. It can't hurt you! And look, it's gone now, okay? It's gone far, far away."

"Where exactly is the monster?" Splinter asked shakily.

"Uh, I dunno, I chucked it outta here when you started looking like you where having a heart attack."

Upon hearing this, Splinter felt his stomach turn. "It's still in the lair? Kill it! Kill it!

Mikey's eyes grew wide as he grabbed Splinter's shoulders. "It's plastic!" he said as he began to shake his father, "plastic!"

After a few moments of silence, Splinter blinked. Plastic? Then this was all a prank? Finally, Splinter spoke. "Michaelangelo, you may let go now."

Mikey winced at his master's tone. Not only had Leo foiled his plan, but Mikey was going to get punished as well. Mikey looked at his father's thrashing tail and gulped.

"First things first, my son." Splinter stated. "The video tape. Give it to me." Splinter waited for Michaelangelo to comply. Oddly enough, he saw pain in his son's eyes as he handed him the tape. To the over imaginative Mikey, Splinter taking the tape was like the President taking one of his medals. After the transaction was complete, Splinter continued to speak. "Now, my, son, you shall meet me in the dojo one hour after our evening meal. 100 flips."

General Hamato cringed. He had lost the first battle, which was not a good sign. But there were more to come, and this encounter had created a delicious opportunity.

"Hey Master Splinter? This is kinda weird, but someone brought it to my attention. Um, they noticed that you don't seem to use the toilet much…um, do you, you know…poop?" Mikey blushed a brilliant hue and prepared to run.

"My son, have I taught you nothing?" Master Splinter asked in astonishment.

"Sensei, I'm sorry, that was rude of me. Please, accept-"

Master Splinter held up his hand. "Everyone is allowed to be curious, my son. And everyone poops, including me. I must say, that snake was a wonderful laxative. It really got things moving."

Mikey stood in shock as his Sensei hobbled away from him. Sergeant Crackers came and stood beside him. "Well," the Sergeant mumbled. "Even if it was the wrong person, operation Scare-the-Poop-Out was technically a success."

"Sergeant, how did you get over here?" Mikey whispered, shock still evident on his features.

"Your Sensei kicked me on his way to his room, General."

"That's great." Mikey said as he composed himself. "Splendid. Sergeant, one more thing."

"Yes, General Hamato?" the eager Sergeant asked.

"**YOU'RE FIRED!"

* * *

**

Please leave a review on your way out, and have a splendid day! 


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, so, this is long over due, and I profoundly apologize for it. I would also like to apologize for all the typos in the previous two chapters. I should have watched for them and I didn't. Or maybe I did watch for them, and I'm just bad at typing…either way, I'm sorry.

A word of warning, the characters are going to be out of character. This fic requires it, but don't worry, you'll know the reason eventually! If you have any questions or concerns about that matter, please do not hesitate to ask me.

Wow that sounded flight attendant-y. Pleasant reading everyone! **Disclaimer: I do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or any characters featured on the show, movies, ect. **I do own Sergeant Crackers, which is cool, cause he's a parrot.

**Be Fearless: Chapter 3**

"Will take commands for food. Will take commands for food. Please, sir, I was born to serve!" Graham Crackers pleaded to the passing spider. "I'll spin your web for you, please just let me serve you."

"Leave me be parrot! I have no need for you."

Crackers launched himself at the spider and grabbed onto one of his many legs. "If you won't let me serve you, at least let me eat you! I had a good life with that stupid turtle and now I have nothing, nothing at all! We lost the battle and he blamed me. If I eat you I will regain my honor!" With those words Crackers inched the spider closer and closer to his mouth. "He will see my greatness, they will all see!"

"Look out," cried the spider, "move you suicidal fool, there's a foot coming!"

"The enemy! This will give me more honor then a thousand conquered spiders! I will face this evil."

"No you rat with wings not that kind of foot!

Crackers squinted at the spider. This foolish arachnid dared to contradict him, Sergeant Graham Crackers? Unless, no, it couldn't be. Getting stepped on was a myth, a legend. It wasn't possible. Nobody could step on a cute, fuzzy stuffed creature!

"Ah, no!" Parrot and spider alike both cringed in anticipation as the foot began to descend upon them.

From five feet two inches away, Donatello blinked as his senses picked up a large amount of fear. Quickly, he checked his surrounding. If someone in his family was being so overwhelmed by fear, it was probably due to a powerful enemy. When his search turned up nothing, Don chanced another step forward. "I really need to sleep more." He mumbled to himself. "Paranoia must be a sign of sleep deprivation."

As his foot began to fall Don once again felt fear resonate from another being. "There is no way I'm picking up senses from bugs. No way. Besides, there aren't any bugs in the lair, Raph would have a fit. But just to be sure…" Don trailed off as he frantically searched the floor. "Ah! Spider! It can't be, it can't!" he yelled as he ran to his room. '_I'll just go to bed. Then I'll wake up in the morning, and everything will be fine. Just,'_ Don yawned, '_fine.'_

"Wow," Crackers stated when the coast was clear. "I do believe that the smart on has gone insane."

"Eh?" the frightened spider replied. "He wouldn't be the only one."

"Did you say eh? Cause its b, b! Hey, don't you run from me! Please," Cracker's voice broke, "don't run from me. So that is why he ran, another foot! I shall die here then, alone." Cracker's lifted his eyes and readied himself to be flattened.

"What the? Man, Mike's always leavin' 'is freakin' toys all ova' the lair. Whoa, it smells like its dead or som'thin'. Ew, and it's all wet too." Raph picked up Crackers and made his way towards his youngest brother's room.

"If anybody sees me with this stupid parrot my rep' done fer."

"Hey Raphie! Watcha doin' with Ser-I mean, **Mr. **Crackers." Mikey eyed his brother suspiciously.

"Ya mean ya named this stupid thing?"

"Well yeah, if I like it I name it. It's no different then you and Mr. Fuzzums Bear." Mikey replied with wide, innocent eyes. "You can keep that one if you want." Then he muttered darkly, "He's failed my one too many times."

"Dude, I don't want yer toy! Take it!" Raph threw Crackers at his brother and stalked off. "I never wanna see that thing again. An' give it a bath or som'thin'. It smells like poo."

"I can't believe you Crackers. You went to Raphael for help instead of me? How dare you, how dare you mock me like that! I-" Mikey paused to choke down a sob. "I-I can't talk about this anymore!" he gasped. "You failed me Crackers, and humiliated me, and-and, you made my life into a soap opera!"

"General, please!"

"No Crackers, don't beg. I am a good turtle, I believe in second chances. You clearly need me, and I am lacking a lackey."

"General, with all do respect, I'm not begging you. I haven't inquired about the position at all. And quite frankly, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh Sergeant," Michaelangelo whirled to face him. "I _need _you, can't you see that! All of my pranks are so sixteen! I need fresh material, a push into the age of seventeen!"

"But ser, your eighteenth birthday is in six weeks. I believe the, um, pushing window has long since shut."

"Are you giving up on me, Sergeant? I take you back, and you give up on me!"

"General, please stop this! I will help you!"

"Oh, Sergeant!"

"Oh, General!"

Mikey scooped Crackers up and held him to his face. They were like an old couple in the way that they understood each other. Spat forgotten and theatrics aside, General Michaelangelo and the young Sergeant were a mighty team once again.

"All right Sergeant, we've still got the rope, the balloon, the needle, and something new, shaving cream."

"What about the snake sire? It could be retrieved very easily."

"Did you just call me sire?"

"Yes, General, I believe that I did."

"No one likes a suck up, Crackers."

Crackers blushed. "Yes sir, sorry sir. Now about the snake, sir?"

"Oh, right. That's a no on the snake, Sergeant. Splinter had probably burned it by now or something. Besides, that's old news. I need something amazing!" Michaelangelo responded.

"Then General, I believe I have just the thing for you. But we would need to par Donatello a little visit in his lab."

"Does is have anything to do with the balloon and needle!" The General asked excitedly. "I was thinking that we could pop the balloon right in his ear while he was meditating, or even-"

"Record it over a spot in his meditation music?" The Sergeant interrupted with bright eyes.

"Yes!" Mikey gasped. "Sergeant Crackers you have read my mind. How did you do it?"

"…Actually sir, I was just kidding. Poking fun, if you will. Truthfully we're on entirely different pages."

Mikey huffed and glared at the parrot. "…You shattered my hopes Sergeant, shattered them like an expensive bottle of wine on a brand new ship."

"I guantee I can glue that bottle back together, sir. Now, I think this shall do nicely, what if we…"

Hmm, my first cliffhanger. Not a very dastardly one but meh, I can build up. Please review! I'm having doubts about how funny this story is, and any feedback in the matter is appreciated, good news or no.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey everyone! Here's chapter four! Sorry about the whole no-line thing in chapter three, I just thought that the button was being slow, turns out, it just wasn't working. So this time, I'm going to make my own lines, and they will be amazing!

To my two anonymous reviewers, thank you thank you thank you kindly for your wonderful reviews! I just wish I could give you each more personal responses.

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the TMNT in any way, shape or form. I only own the Sergeant.**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Leo?" Raph called as he knocked on his leader's door. "Are you in there?" Raphael switched his weight from his right foot to his left, and back again. He waited for his brother to respond to him in uncomfortable silence. Raph licked his lips and scratched a non-existent itch on his beak.

'_What the shell is takin' Leo so freakin' long?' _Raph thought as he tapped his foot. '_The one time I really wanna talk wit' 'im an' he's not answering his stupid door. That jus' ain't right.' _Raph's face contorted in frustration. '_I ain't waitin' no more fer leader boy to answer his freakin' door!' _With a growl, Raphael stomped away from his older brother's room.

"Stupid Leo," he mumbled. "So freakin' perfect. Too perfect to talk wit' me." Raphael glared at the floor. "Probably on a run or som'thin'. Protector of the city." he said in a high, girlish voice. "My hero." Raph scuffed his foot in anger. "Hero my-"

"Raphael!"

"Masta' Splinta'! Umm, I was jus' thinkin' bout our Leo. Great guy." Raph lied through his teeth. "By the way Sensei, have you seen Blue Boy anywhere? I can't find him."

"A ninja should always be aware of where their kin is my son, especially in these most dangerous of times." Splinter said wisely. "But I suppose that for a young ninja such as yourself to always know the whereabouts of your brothers would be considered snooping, correct?"

"Um, yeah Sensei, right on the button. 'Sides, that's you an' Leo's job, not mine."

"It should be a responsibility that the entire family shares, Raphael. There will come a time…"

"Ah Sensei, don't!" Raphael interrupted. "Don't talk like that! You're gonna be here a real long time!"

"My son, I was not referring to myself, I was referring to Leonardo. Donatello is most upset with him at the moment. And when your brother is angry, he is a force to be reckoned with. Although my day will come as well."

"I understand that, Masta', I just don't wanna accept it right now! So will you please jus' tell me where Leo is? I really gotta talk to 'im."

Splinter sighed. "Very well, my son. Your brother is in the kitchen searching for a bag of frozen vegetables. He-" Splinter paused to look at his red-clad son and slowly began to shake his head. Raphael stood in complete shock before him. "My son?" Splinter asked. "Are you unwell?"

Raph snapped out of his fear-induced trace. "Leo's cookin'! Oh man, I gotta stop 'im!"

With that, Raphael took off toward the eating area yelling, "What eva' you do Leo, don't put no metal in do microwave like the last time!"

Splinter stared after his son's retreating form as he resettled in his chair. "Kids" he said with a smile. "If only he had waited for me to finish my sentence…"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Leonardo yelped when he felt his shell being grabbed. He struggled violently as he was dragged away from the open freezer compartment. Leo kicked out with his legs, and was mildly surprised to hear a familiar grunt in reply.

"Leo!" the red masked turtle gasped as he slid to the floor. "Why the shell did you have to kick me there of all places?"

"Raphael I am so sorry! I thought you were an attacker. You really shouldn't have grabbed me like that!"

"Oh no!" Raph cried. "Do not go blamin' this on me! I only did it cause I thought you were tryin' to cook sometin'. And you know what happened the las' time you did that."

Leo shuttered at the memory. "Please don't mention that little mishap. I would really rather not talk about it."

"Little mishap!" Raph repeated. "You almos'-"

"Drop it!" Leo growled "Now what do you want, anyway?"

"Well Little Miss Touchy," Raph smirked. "I originally-"

"Big word." Leo inserted with crossed arms. "At least, big word for you."

"Stuff it Splinta' Junior! Now as I was saying! I wanted to ask you 'bout Mikey. But now I wanna know what yer doin' with that big ole' lump on yer head."

"Don did it. I made him made while we were at the junkyard. Then I made him run a bunch."

"Hmm."

"That's not all. I left him with April during one of her little sharing-is-caring-mom-modes."

"Ouch." Raph hissed, "So you deserved it then."

"Well I don't really thing that I did."

"That wasn't a question. You left him with a mom-ish April. That violates the unspoken rule."

"We have a rule against that?"

"Yes. How could you not know that?"

"Shut up Raph. Now what, pray tell, is this 'unspoken rule'?" Leo rolled his eyes at the very thought of such a silly thing.

"Don't mock the rule Leo. Now listen, the rule is and I quote, 'In the event of April goin' all gooey eyed and weird, then under no circumstances should any brotha' be left alone with April at that time, as said April will smother said brother in weird love and concern.'"

"But Donatello always talks to April and I figured that this wouldn't be any different!"

"No buts Leo. Ya broke the rule and Don thwacked ya fer it."

Leo nodded in reluctant understanding. He was a stickler for rules, and if he had indeed broken one, he deserved to be punished for it. Nevertheless, that wouldn't make his poor head stop hurting! "Now Raph, as much as I appreciate being filled in on the rule…"

"No problem bro, glad to help." Raph sniggered.

"Haha, funny turtle." Leo sneered sarcastically. "Now are you going to tell me what the shell is the matter with Michaelangelo or are you trying to be suspenseful?"

Raph grinned cheekily at his big brother "Ah Leo," he teased. "Raggin' on ya is so much fun! Mike's jus' been actin' real weird lately, is all. Caught 'im talkin' to a parrot puppet, which he called 'Sergeant Crackers'."

"He's just playing Raph, its fine." Leo raised an eye ridge as he spoke. "Mikey has always done stuff like that, what's so different about now?"

Raphael glared at his brother and heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Leo," he practically whined, "this is different! While you and Don were at the junkyard, Mike started laughin' real crazy. Like-"

Suddenly, a loud yell resonated throughout the lair. "It's brilliant! Just brilliant Sergeant Crackers! Come, we must go to Donatello's lab post haste! Hahahaha!"

"Like that." Raph finished faintly as the echoes of Mikey's voice began to finally fade. Leo, on the other hand, merely stared at his brother with a worried intensity.

"He's going to Don's lab." He stated weekly. "He's going to Donny's lab while Don is ticked! Don'll kill him for sure!"

"Exactly. And I reserved that right when we was six!" Raph replied.

"Oh no." Leo rambled on about Mikey's fate. "It's not going to be quick and painless, not after he broke the toaster with that oatmeal stunt." Leo's eyes darted to the empty space where the toaster used to be. "We have to stop him. Intercept him or something before it's too late."

"Yeah," Raph growled. "Drag 'im outta Don's lab and into-"

"The safety of the T.V. room!" Leo exclaimed with a fist in the air.

"T.V. room? Shell no! I'm gonna kill Mikey myself!" Raph stated as he walked out of the kitchen and towards the lab. "Ya see bro," he called over his shoulder to an overly confused Leonardo, "Mike told me that I'm the one that broke the toaster. Now I've been holed up in my room all day long tryin' to avoid Don's wrath, an' its payback time!"

'_Oh dear'_ Leo thought from his spot in the kitchen. "Raph, wait for me!" he called. '_If I can drag Mike out before Raph does, the maybe he'll have a fighting chance!' _

Raph paused outside his brainy brother's lab "Leo, shut up!" he whispered harshly "I jus' thought of something. You're mad at Don, right?"

"For thwacking me? Not really. I broke a rule and deserved to be punished for it, I can accept that."

"I just think it's weird how you can be a suck up when there's nothing to suck up to." Raph replied with a smirk "Splinta's watchin' his soaps, he won't hear nothin' for at least an hour." Then he laughed, "You were being noble fer squat!"

"Have you ever used that tiny brain of your Raph? Cause I have always been like that, just incase the last almost eighteen years hasn't been enough for you to figure it out."

"Whatteva, Leo. I'll see you in the dojo later! Right now, I've got a proposition fer ya."

"You really are using a lot of big words today Raph. Did you take Don's dictionary?" Leo asked with an innocent smile. "It's really enlarged your vocabulary."

Raph whipped around from his spot by the doorway. "Oh has it! Well I don't need no big vocabulary to pummel you Leo!" Then he paused, "But this is a once in a life time opportunity….your shell is mine when this is ova', Fearless."

"How many of us do you want to kill yourself Raph? I mean, you claimed Mikey, now me…is Donny going to be left out of the brotherly massacre?" Leo inquired.

"Donny doesn't tick me off like you two do. I can live with him. It's just you an Mike that I can't stand sometimes." Raph retorted, "Now here me out this time, don't go interruptin' me. Got it, Leo?" Raph asked, expecting a reply. Instead, he was received with silence. "Leo? Hey Leo, stop being a smarty and answer the question."

"What was the question?"

Raph struggled with the urge to leap at his brother and strangle him. He forced himself to be calm, and replied "Nothin'. The question was nothin'. Now listen. I'm mad at Mikey, and you should be too. Don't you dare say I word Leo, I'm goin' somewhere wit' this. Don't you look at me like you weren't gonna say nothing! Anyway, I'm mad at Mikey for telling me I broke the toaster. You're mad at Mikey for breaking the toaster and sendin' ya to the junk yard with a ticked Donatello." Raph glanced at his leader's face to see if he had gotten a reaction. He smirked as he continued. "Don is mad at Mikey for the toaster thing, and probably this too, right?"

"Right…"

"Why don't we just let the two of them 'work it out' themselves? Donny has a clean slate wit' Splinter 'bout fightin' wit' a brotha'. We don't. We get what we want and we don't get punished for it."

"That's actually a good idea Raph." Leo blinked in surprise. "But it doesn't sound like Don has done anything to him."

"Donny's probably in shock 'bout how stupid Mike is to go chargin' in like that. Now come on bro, the dojo is callin' and I really wanna hit somebody." With that, Raph began to jog to the dojo to warm up.

"You always want to hit somebody, hothead." Leo mumbled to his brother's back. "Just sucks that it always has to be me!" He added with a grimace.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Let me get this straight Mikey. You want me to supply you with helium, a strobe light of some sort, a recorder, and any scary sounds that I have?" Don asked.

"Well yeah. See, cause, Sergeant Crackers came up with like, amazingly amazing idea, an' I needed helium for it, but then I realized I needed some other stuff too, ya know?" Mikey rambled with wide eyes.

"Sergeant Crackers? Isn't Crackers the parrot that I got you for your birthday a really long time ago?"

"Yeah. Did you know that Crackers is a military genious?"

"I don't care, Mikey, really I don't. I just want to know what you are planning on using all these materials for. Helium can be dangerous, and if I know you you'll stare at the strobe light too long and go blind."

"I will not! Strobe light blindness is off and on anyway, just like the light is." Mikey sassily replied. "I can't believe you didn't know that, Donatello!"

"Off and on! Where did you get that!" Donatello asked. "Strobe light damage is permanent, Mikey, just like the damage that happened to your brain when Splinter dropped you on your head."

"Splinter dropped me on my head! That's horrible! Why wouldn't he tell me that!" Mikey asked in a panic.

"…because it's not true?"

"Oh….hey!"

"Mike, I suggest you tell me the plan before I throw this nasty oatmeal filled toaster at your head."

"Okay, jeez. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"You have not idea how I woke up this morning." Don's face contorted at the memory. "It was not pleasant."

"Um, do you have any idea how darkly you said that? Almost made me pee myself."

Don looked at his brother in disgust. "Ew! Mikey! Too much information! Now tell me the plan, I have stuff to do today."

"Okay, well, I kicked Crackers out and then Raph found him and I was like, 'Crackers you suck.' and he was like, 'Oh general please forgive me!' and I was like 'I'm a forgiving person, Crackers, you can be Sergeant again.' and he was like 'Sweet!' and then he was like, 'General, I have an amazing plan that will glue your bottle back together, but it requires Donatello's assistance.' And the he told me the plan and I was like 'That sounds awesome lets go see Don.' So we did, and now I'm here, telling you the plan" Mikey concluded.

"That wasn't the plan!" Don said in frustration. "That was the back story!"

"General Hamato!" Sergeant Crackers cried from the General's belt while Don was distracted. "That was not how it went!"

"Crackers, be silent, I had to simplify it for the civilian!"

"I'm sorry Mikey, you had to simplify what?" Don asked in utter confusion.

"Um, I had to simplify the plan, cause, um, the Sergeant made it overly complicated, and stuff." Mikey replied hurriedly. "So I um, gave you the back story to make is easier to understand. And uh, now that I've done that…I can tell you the plan!"

"Joy." Don replied as he rubbed his temples. "Please enlighten me."

"No problem, Don!" the General stated with unmatched enthusiasm. "I want to lure Leo into a really dark tunnel, and scare the bajibass outta him. But to do so I need some special effects. So like, I wanted to use helium to change my voice and make it scary, but I need the recorder cause if I threw my voice he would find me. And then like, I need scary sounds to make it more scary."

"And the strobe light?" Don inquired.

"Dude! Strobe lights are like, trademarked to scare people! Duh! But yeah that's basically the jist of my plan. Do you like it?" Mike asked with a worried expression. "I mean, cause, I could alter it or something."

Don bit his lip in thought as he stared at his brother. A tense silence filled the room. Michaelangelo held his breath as he desperately waited for his brother's sign of approval.

"Mikey? That might actually work." Don finally said in amazement. "I don't know how you came up with it but it really might work."

Mikey jumped in excitement "Seriously! Sweet! So you're gonna help me right?"

"Well yeah, I have to make sure you don't pick a condemned tunnel, or inhale too much helium, and blind yourself with a strobe light, don't I?" Don asked with a smirk. "Besides, I've got a score to settle with Leo myself."

"So when do we do it?" the General asked, his moment of fun now over.

"Well, tomorrow probably. I have to fix up a strobe light after all."

"Very good Captain, I'll see you tomorrow." Mike stated as he left the lab. "Shells speed to you."

Donatello went back to his toaster with a sigh. Then he paused, "Captain?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

It was brought to my attention that there were some holes in the story, so I needed to post this chapter as putty. This chapter, by the way, is dedicated to Steve Irwin. Steve, you passed doing what you loved to do, and you were an icon for many. You will be missed.

Please leave a review on your way out!


	5. Chapter 5

Hey y'all! I hope everyone had some happy holidays, I know I did! For you see, my writer's block is gone! Gone, I tell you! It was amazing, today after dinner it just sorta vanished and I was able to crank out this chapter in one sitting! Looks at the glares she is recieving from the readers Don't kill me! runs

Runs back I just want to thank everyone for taking an interest in this story, and for not abandoning it even though the updates are few and far between. I would also like the thank the person that nominated Sergeant Crackers for the Best Origanel Character catagory of the fanfic competition, and the people that voted for him. The Sergeant took first place and the two of us couldn't be happier.

Right then, **Disclaimer: I do not do not do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, simply because I think it would be a little strange to own something that was created before I was. I do, however own the Sergeant, and if you wish to use him please tell me, or I will cyber smack you! Not really, I'll just make you very, very sad.**

* * *

Mikey awoke early the next morning to the sound of Don's smothered giggles and the sight of the fierce, piercing light of a strobe light flashing in his eyes.

"Wake up Mikey." Don said eerily. "It's time."

Mikey stared at his brother, slack jawed and dazed. "Dude," he mumbled "I thought you were doin' this to make sure that I didn't go blind? What's with the light in the eyes?"

Don shut off the light and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well," he began "it was just so darn tempting, you know?"

The sleepy General shook his head at his brainy brother as he struggled to escape the tangled mass of sheet that covered his legs. After defeating the sheets in a brief struggle, General Hamato hopped out of his bed and looked at his newly acquired Captain.

"Good work, Captain Donatello, but I must ask you to address me by the proper title."

"If by proper title you mean Annoying, then yes, I can agree to that." Don responded brightly.

General Hamato put on his best glare and marched up to his smirking sibling. "What was that, Captain?"

Donatello backed away from his brother and fiddled with the machine in his arms. "Um, Michaelangelo?" He began as he glanced down at the floor. "You're stepping on your parrot."

Mikey's eyes widened as he too looked down. "Sergeant Crackers!" he gasped as he fell to his knees. The general scooped up his fallen comrade and held him close. "Oh Sergeant!" he sobbed. "Oh Sergeant! You were so young….ish. Okay I've had you since I was little but that doesn't matter! You're only as old as you feel! Speak to me buddy, please speak to me!"

Don stared at his brother. "In think I'm going to go now, Mike. You um, well, you just meet me in the lab in half an hour all right? Bro?"

"Just leave me, Captain. Leave me to wallow in the sorrow that my foot has created."

"Right." Don stated as he made for the door.

Michaelangelo continued. "Cursed foot!" he cried dramatically. "Why must you destroy precious, precious life! Why?"

Donatello's eyes widened as he looked at the pair on the floor one last time. As his brother curled into a ball around the stuffed animal, Don slipped out the door and into the hallway. Once outside, he glanced around and wiped the sweat from his brow. "That was beyond unbearably awkward." the bewildered turtle whispered to himself as he fled the scene.

* * *

Leonardo's eyes narrowed as he stepped out of the dojo after his extra morning practice.

"I told ya so."

"GAH!" Leo spun to face the attacker.

"Fearless, this is the second time in two days that you've jumped like that. Not to count all the times I just creamed you in the dojo." Raphael smirked. "Can't say that I'm not flattered."

Leo straightened his bandanna and rolled his eyes. "What do you want, Raph? I'm a little busy"

"Busy? Leo, spyin' on Mike ain't don't count as bein' busy."

"And why not O Observant One?"

"Cause, spyin' on Mike is like breathin'." Raph replied. "Ain't nothin'to it."

Leo closed his eyes and willed himself not to pounce on his hotheaded, currently smirking brother. "Raph," he said slowly as if he were speaking to a child, "you're the one that said Mikey was up to something."

"Hey! I haven't never said nothin' 'bout that all right! I jus' said Mike was actin' funny. And then _you_ said 'He's just playing, it's fine' so _I _dropped it." Raph retorted. Then he paused and asked, "Why didn't you?"

"Why didn't I what?"

"Drop it."

"Drop what?"

"….you was ignoring me, weren't you Leo?" Raph growled.

"Yeah." Leo said replied. '_Wait a minute,' _he thought to himself '_did I just say that?' _"Raph wait!"

"Ah shell no! Leo, you're goin' insane!" Raph yelled. "And I for one, do not….Leo?"

"What!" The blue clad turtle barked. "What do you want from me? I have nothing! NOTHING!"

Raph stared at his older brother in wonder. As Leo began to mutter to himself about Mikey, Don, April, and bowel movementa, Raph slowly and silently backed away. Just as he had turned to run into his room, Raphael was spun around by Leonardo.

"Raph." Leo stated. "You have to help me. Mikey is planning something. I just know that he is. You absolutely have to help me stop it. It's big too, whatever it is. Because I just saw Donny leave Mike's room and if Don is involved then-"

SMACK!

"Y-you" Leo stuttered.

"I slapped you, deal wit' it." Raph wrestled himself from his brother's hold. "Leo, you have to snap outta it, okay! Cause I don't really like you bein' all grabby and crazy and ranty a'ight? Now, we are goin' to the T.V. room, an' we're watchin' T.V." Raphael stirred his older brother towards the couch. "It's good for you." he concluded.

"But Mikey's plan!" Leo wailed.

Raph tightened his grip.

* * *

Sergeant Cracker slowly opened his eyes. Before him, there was a blanket of darkness, and behind him, there was the same thing. The battered soldier groaned at his predicament.

'_Am I dead?'_ he wondered '_I must be dead. I've died and gone to the big stuffing factory in the sky.' _The Sergeant's eyes welled with tears. "The General." he stated as the tears began to roll down his cheeks. "The General will surely be most upset. We never finished the plan!"

Suddenly, amidst the darkness, there was a brilliant flashing, and a large figure made it's presence known to the terrified Sergeant.

"Sergeant Graham Crackers." The figure's voice boomed. "You are not to be here."

* * *

Well, y'all know the drill. Please leave a review on your way out, because all of your **lovely** (as in, no flames) comments are deeply appreciated. And don't worry about slow updates with chapter 6, I've already got ideas in place for it.

KUDOS!


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